Ghost of a Good Thing
by Jessica-Lilian
Summary: Hunter didn't give Darina a choice in the third book, and zapped her memories of the Beautiful Dead. How much would be different, really? Rated T for safety, and probably later chapters.
1. Prologue

_I do not own any part of the Beautiful Dead book series. _

Prologue

**Hunter closed his eyes and tilted his head back, struggling to regain control. When he looked at me again the eyes were fired up with anger. "What's the use?" he demanded. "I try to explain, I lay out the boundaries as clear as day and you still overstep the mark."**

"**I'm sorry. Forget I said it."**

"**You don't talk about Marie – not ever! Not to others and especially not to me. I won't listen to you dirty her name!"**

"**I said I'm sorry."**

"**Darina – one more move like this and I'm through with you. You sit there and listen, you hear? If I had the power to wipe just part of your memory I'd do it. I'd take out all your knowledge of my wife. You wouldn't even know her name."**

**I felt the blade of his anger scythe me down, leave me lying flat on the ground. I held on to the sides of my seat and sat in dread.**

"**But that's fine tuning and it's not possible," he went on. "I can zap the whole of your Beautiful Dead memory or none of it. Which is it going to be?"**

"**Please, Hunter..." I knew that once again he was a millimetre away from tossing me out of their lives like garbage. Those eyes – they were burning into me. **

"You've had enough chances, Darina. Summer's running out of time, and you can't allow yourself to be distracted like this!"

I wanted to answer that he was the overlord, and it was initially _his _job to help the others over, but I knew that I'd just sound like a whiny little kid. I should be grateful for the extra time that I had with them.

But of course, thanks to his mind reading abilities, Hunter heard it anyway. "That's enough, Darina! I've given you the chance to see your friends again, to help them. I've given you the chance to see Phoenix again, and every time you've complained that it wasn't enough, like a spoiled child!" He drew in a great breath like he was building up and releasing all his pent-up anger. He looked like some kind of enraged god, about to unleash a hurricane on the world.

"You've barely made an effort with trying to help Summer and the others. It was easier for Jonas and Arizona, but this time you had to do a little bit of work, and you all but quit. I didn't think you were one to give up easy, Darina. When we tried to keep you away from our world you were stubborn, persistent. I thought you could help us, but apparently I made the wrong decision. It's all over, Darina. Go home."

He looked me directly in the eye then, and I didn't even have time to panic about all the memories I'd lose – what had happened to Jonas, Arizona. I wouldn't remember Phoenix. He couldn't do this to me – I needed them! I tried to beg him with my eyes and my mind not to take my memories away, but my time was already up.

I suddenly felt a huge wind whipping around me. Again, I thought of a hurricane. But I knew that it wasn't, because in the next second I heard the sound of a thousand beating wings pounding on my eardrums, louder than I'd ever heard it. And it felt as strong as any hurricane – it brought me down to my knees with the sheer power and force behind it. My hands were clutching at my ears and I was screaming, but this time, Hunter wouldn't stop. I felt like there was an electric current running through my head, and it was slowly pulsing its way through the rest of my body, burning and crackling as it went. I just wanted it to stop. I'd already lost my grip on my surroundings and all I could think about was the pain.

As quickly as it started, the pounding stopped. But there was still echoes of it my head.

They rang through a thick fog, like a church clock rings through a graveyard. There was no room for anything else to register in my brain.

My head felt heavy... and dizzy. I felt someone catch me before I fell face-forward onto the ground, but I didn't even have the chance to wonder who it was before the world went black.

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A/N: The stuff in **bold text **is taken directly from Book 3: Summer. Please R&R if you're actually interested in reading a story like this, cos I don't know whether or not to actually continue it, and I probably won't if you don't like it, or no one's going to read it.


	2. I Guess It's Luck, But It's The Same

**Disclaimer: The Beautiful Dead book series belongs to Eden Maguire. **

**A/N: Oh, and I forgot to mention, if you haven't read books three and four then this story will probably be confusing.**

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Chapter 1: I Guess It's Luck, But It's The Same

When I opened my eyes, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. My head was pounding, and it was one of the worst kind of headaches. You know, the kind where it's not a sharp pain, but a kind of dull, continuous ache. I looked through the windscreen and saw nothing but thick clouds up ahead, and forest surrounding me. I belatedly realised that I was in my car, and tried to ask myself why I was parked here, but it amounted to nothing. Trying to think of the answer just made the pounding in my head worse; like a beating drum when you turn your headphones too loud. Sighing, I looked at the clouds and decided to go home before it started to rain. Driving in my current condition's probably not the best idea, I told myself. But then, it's not like there's anyone around to help.

As I was driving through town I once again tried to wonder what the hell I was doing all the way out there – somewhere just past Turkey Shoot Ridge. I shook my head as my headache got worse, and decided to think on it in the morning. I might remember things clearer then.

When I was driving through Foxton Logan pulled out in front of me, looking really pissed about something. I didn't even need to see his face for the brief second that I did to know that he was mad about something – he almost ran a red light and his driving was getting progressively worse as he drove through town. Forgetting the fact that I needed to get home, I made a split second decision to follow him and find out what was up. Rash, impulsive decisions are a speciality of mine!

It was dark now, and sheets of rain were falling from the sky, minimising visibility. But I didn't give up. I've always been stubborn. It was always one of those traits that others found annoying, but Phoenix found endearing. Phoenix... I quit that train of thought as the pounding in my head began once more. Until that moment my headache had been easing up. Keeping my eyes focused on Logan's white Honda, I didn't even recognise the street we were on until Logan pulled up to the kerb. My house? What was Logan doing driving here?

It was a little while before I realised that I had followed Logan 'cos he looked angry, and I wanted to find out what was up with that. Looks like he was probably going to tell me anyway. I shook my head again to try and bring myself out of my daze.

Whatever had happened today had really messed me up.

By the time I was getting out of the car Logan had already asked if I was home and decided to give up and call me later. He was just getting into his car as I called him back.

"Logan!" It was raining so hard I had to yell to be heard.

He turned around and got out of the car again.

"Hey, Darina!"

I didn't want to stand out here and talk to him in the rain, so I ran inside, with him following. He'd been visiting my house since we were kids – he hardly needed a formal invitation.

As soon as we were inside and the door closed, we headed towards my room – the only place in the house we could be sure that Jim and Laura wouldn't butt in our conversation. I was tired and my head still hurt, so I wasn't going to bother with pleasantries.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was angry. I needed to talk to someone." He was looking at the floor as he said it, so I knew he was probably already changing his mind about wanting to talk about whatever it was that had happened. I, on the other hand, was in no mood to beat around the bush.

"Why were you so angry?"

He sighed before he answered me, which most likely meant that he was about to say something that I wouldn't enjoy hearing. He didn't even question that I knew he was angry.

"I got in another fight with Ezra."

I sighed. This so wasn't what I needed right now. Why couldn't Logan, for once, leave things alone. Like I needed someone else to look out for right now. As if it wasn't bad enough that I practically had to baby-sit Zak Rohr, I had to watch Logan as well.

"Logan, why did you do that? If he wants to act like a stupid child, then let him, but why couldn't you just leave him alone. You know he' s a bit of a loner – he's just doing it for attention!" I sighed again in exasperation and felt my shoulders slump as I sat down.

It suddenly occurred to me that I still didn't know what the other fight was about, and I wondered if it was the same as this one. No one knew, except the people that were there, and they weren't talking. Logan was actually _in _both of them. Maybe I could get him to talk. He'd already started speaking before I could ask.

"I didn't mean to!" He said through gritted teeth. "I swear I was about to just get the hell out of there, but he just made me so angry I..." He trailed of and started pacing my room.

I sat watching him pace up and down whilst waiting for him to continue. It was like watching a metronome.

"It wasn't an actual fist fight; there wasn't any punches thrown or anything... You know we were all hanging out at the cabin, right?" I vaguely recalled something like that. I tried to remember the details, but something had seriously messed up my head today. I nodded so he'd get on with it.

"Well, we were in the kitchen... He said..." Logan trailed off again, and I decided he needed prompting.

"Why'd you fight with him in the first place?" He paused, seemingly reluctant to answer, for some reason I couldn't fathom. I watched his face, hoping to catch something in his expression that would give him away.

"I... He..." I was about to tell him to just spit it out already, but he continued. "We were fighting about you, Darina."

Whoa. Wasn't expecting that. I was staring at him in shock – my mouth was hanging open and everything. I blinked in surprise and snapped my mouth shut, as I could think of nothing to say. I could tell he was watching me as I tried to put it together in my mind. The only scenario I could think of was that Ezra must have said something horrible about me, and Logan had jumped in to defend me, trying to act like a knight in shining armour. He was always so loyal, even when I wasn't to him. I was starting to feel guilty for reprimanding Logan when it was kind of my fault. I needed something to confirm my thoughts, so I let Logan hear them.

"I guess that makes sense. I mean, Ezra never did like me, and if he said something..." Here, Logan cut me off.

"But that's not it, Darina. That's not it at all." He paused to take a deep breath. "He _did _like you. That's exactly the problem!" Thinking he was jealous I went to cut him off, but he beat me to it. "No, it wasn't like that, Darina. About a year ago, before you dated Phoenix, Ezra had a crush."

I couldn't believe it. "Ezra liked me?"

Logan made a non-committal sound and nodded his head. Once again my mouth was hanging open in shock. "But I still don't understand. Why were you fighting?"

He looked at me and hesitated. Then he seemed to decide that it was better to just tell me outright than have me ask questions. "He said... something... about you."

"What did he say?" I knew it couldn't have been anything good, but I still wasn't expecting what he said next. "He claimed that he'd _had _you." Logan let out a deep breath before continuing. "He started in on the detail, and I got mad and threw him out." He sat down on the edge of my bed now that he seemed to have finished his story. I didn't say anything – I couldn't. I mean, _Ezra_. _Ezra. _Who'd have thought the weird goth-nerd had a crush on _me? _After all, I'm not exactly like the other girls at Ellerton.

We sat there in silence, just thinking it al over and after a while I told Logan that I wasn't mad at him any more. He nodded, but didn't say anything. Just then Laura came to remind us that it was late and Logan needed to get home. I just rolled my eyes. We weren't freakin' ten year-olds. We decided to talk about it tomorrow, or another time, as we said our good-byes and my best friend left.

The sound of the front door shutting behind Logan was like a reminder of how tired I had been, and suddenly I wasn't tired, I was exhausted. I didn't even bother to take my shoes off as I fell face-first onto my bed. My last conscious thought was of everything that had happened that evening, with Logan and Ezra, and what the hell had happened to me before that. I fell asleep to the sound of beating wings.

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A/N: Sorry about the shortness of the chapter, but there's not really a lot going on in the beginning, and the chapters will get longer as the story progresses. Just thought I'd mention that Logan's alive in this fic – if Hunter zapped Darina's memory, then he wouldn't have asked her to drive somewhere else, and Logan wouldn't have followed her, so Ezra wouldn't have had the chance to push him. Next chapter will be mostly Phoenix pov and his confrontation with Hunter. I apologize if there's any mistakes that I've missed. Also, reviews would be nice.


	3. Hard Luck You've Been Trying To Tame

**Disclaimer: Once again, Beautiful Dead = not mine. **

**A/N: I know, I know – I'm actually ALIVE! Sorry about the wait but I took a brief (or not) hiatus from writing fanfiction, and, finally, I am back. I am NOT giving up on this story! Also, I apologize if Phoenix seems a little OOC. If he does it's mostly because there's none of his POV in the actual books, so it's harder to get a handle on his character. Lastly; sorry for the shortness of the chapter. I wanted to keep this one as just Phoenix POV. It was also quite sad for me to write at the end, but I liked the ending... I'm not sure you guys will though, so please tell me what you thought.**

Chapter 2: Hard Luck You've Been Trying To Tame

_Phoenix _

As I shut the door behind me, I shook my hair out of my eyes. I'd just stepped into the barn after doing another patrol for Hunter, out in the pouring rain. If you think that just 'cos I'm dead, I'm not in any way affected by the rain, you're wrong. It's still cold, it's still wet, and I still hate it. When I looked up I saw that the rest of the Beautiful Dead were convened there, waiting for... me.

I glanced around at all their faces and they looked... sombre? Solemn? What was that word? They were wearing those expressions that people wear when someone close to you has died and _they _have to tell you the news. Except Hunter. His face was expressionless. A mask. As always.

He stood in the centre of them all. The others were in a half-circle around him, facing me. It was eerie, and Hunter's mask-like face was doing nothing to make me feel better. I could feel my stomach drop the way it always does when you know you're about to get bad news, and you're nervous because you don't know what it is. A small part of me was angry because I knew that this would be the kind of news that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I could tell from the way there was pity in their eyes when they looked at me, but they were tense and guarded, too. Like they were waiting for some kind of hostile reaction from me. Or maybe they just knew I'd be angry. As much as I hoped for the latter, I knew that it was bound to be the former. My luck just didn't go that way.

I slowed my pace, and walked towards them cautiously. Eyeing Hunter warily I told him that I had found no far-siders on the patrol, and that I'd set up the barrier, so we didn't have to worry for now. Hunter nodded almost imperceptibly as I finished talking. As soon as I did, I looked around awkwardly for something else to say – anything to delay hearing what they hadn't yet told me.

I found nothing. Hunter stepped forward. The sick feeling in my gut got worse and I swallowed.

"Phoenix," Hunter spoke. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; the way he'd said my name sounded ominous.

When I opened my eyes I saw that the others weren't even bothering to hide their pity anymore. My anger returned; _what the hell had happened? _

Hunter glared at me, and I realised that I'd better keep my thoughts I check if I wanted him to play nice. Burying the anger down I voiced the question they were all waiting for.

"What happened?"

The others looked at each other, like they didn't know how to respond. They all looked guilty. Even Summer. Except she was looking straight at me, and half of her expression was grief.

Hunter never took his eyes off my face. He was calm as he took in my reaction to the others.

"Phoenix," he started again. He had that tone that irritated parents used when talking to a bratty child. Impatient, yet somehow tolerant at the same time. It got annoying real fast.

"Yes," I snapped. _What? I get annoyed easily, so sue me – everyone has their flaws._

Hunter's expression barely slipped from the stone mask he wore. His face contorted in a way that looked painful for him as he tried to look reassuring. (I'd have thought it was comforting, but that would have been to much of a stretch for Hunter.) "There's really... no easy way... to say this."

This shocked me into stillness. Hunter _never _hesitated. He splayed his hands palm-up, with the air of someone pleading innocence.

"Now, bear in mind that I am the Overlord, and if I ask you to do something, I fully expect to be obeyed. I assure you that I wouldn't have done this unless I was certain that it was absolutely necessary, and that there was no other option."

I nodded slowly. I knew that this was absolutely serious. I swallowed nervously. There wasn't anything that could make Hunter act like this and my mind began racing through a hundred and one different possible worst-case-scenarios. His next words immediately returned my thoughts back to reality.

"You can't see Darina anymore."

_What? _

I'm sure that's not what he's meant to tell me. I shake my head. _That can't be it. _

"It is. Darina will no longer be coming here, either." I shook my head again. Why would Darina not come here? As long as she knew we were here, she'd go through hell and back to get to us. She's already proved that. She wouldn't stay away unless she didn't have a choice. I looked at Hunter, shaking my head again. He wouldn't do that... would he?

Summer stepped forward then. She looked as bad as I felt. Bad didn't even describe it – terrible was more like it. She was kind of sobbing, but there were no tears; Beautiful Dead couldn't cry. Hunter had left.

"Hunter told her to stick to the task at hand or he would take away her memories of us – but you know what Darina's like – once she gets something in her head , there's no stopping her!" She let out a half-choked laugh. "She didn't listen, Phoenix. He told her not to, but she did it anyway! And now she..."

I didn't hear the rest of Summer's words. I already knew what Hunter had done. Everything in my mind just stopped. I know that Hunter had threatened it loads of times before, but I'd ever believed he would actually do that! It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. It'd be like I'd died all over again – Darina _needed _us! And we needed her to help us cross over. Now we'd never get to have a real goodbye – I'd been counting on what would have been our last few weeks. I need to say goodbye! I shook my head once more in denial.

I looked at each and every one of their faces begging them to deny it. They didn't. They just looked at me with pity in their eyes.

I turned away from them all and just walked back out of the barn. The barn that centres our existence here on the far-side. It felt like that stupid barn had been shredded and scattered by a hurricane; there was nothing holding me here anymore. I kept moving. That was one of the good things about being one of the Beautiful Dead; you always had the perfect escape.

I'd never believed Hunter when he said that the Beautiful Dead couldn't feel emotions like when we were human. I still felt every part of the love that I'd had for Darina as a human. And I now felt nothing but pain when I thought about what Hunter had done. I wouldn't be able to hear the sound of her voice ever again; not directed at me. She'd never smile at me again, and she wouldn't look at me like she and I were the only two people in the world. I'd never get to tell her how much I loved her one last time. I'd missed that chance. This made me want to scream and cry: I'd been counting on that, to get me through to the other side. And Darina needed the reassurance that there was some way that I could still love her from beyond the dead. Hunter had robbed her of that.

Thinking his name made me think back to a few moments before.

I thought about how Hunter had looked then. His face was still mask-like: expressionless. He'd always seemed so strong to me – our fearless leader. But now I really saw it. He was cold, and fierce, and ruthless, and unfeeling. That was obvious from the way that he continuously told us that the Beautiful Dead had no emotions. Maybe after a hundred years he's learnt to turn it all off – the emotions. But I hadn't. I still felt. And I truly believe that. And now I saw that the strength I'd thought I'd seen in Hunter wasn't a strength at all. He was heartless, and it wasn't a strength; it was a weakness.

A hundred years of bitterness and it had turned him into _this. _And to think that Darina had only been trying to help. More to the point; she'd bee trying to help _him! _

My anger returned full-force at this thought. He was so ungrateful! And what he'd done was _way _out of line! Darina hadn't done anything to deserve this! She'd only tried to help! How could Hunter not see this? He was preparing Dean to be the next Overlord, so he was planning on moving on at some point – didn't he _want_ to know what had really happened to his wife and her child? After all, he did demand that Darina find out what happened to the rest of us – when it was _his _job, no less! And he was the one who made her help us in the first place – how did he expect her to do that if he wouldn't let her do any research? Hunter was supposed to be doing all that work: he was just being lazy!

"Don't you dare."

I heard the cold hiss behind me, and turned to face Hunter. He'd been listening to my thoughts, and now he'd materialised behind me to reprimand me like a small child, pat me on the head and tell me to be a good little minion and shut up. I raised my chin in defiance – a habit I'd gotten fro Darina.

"Don't dare to do what?" I asked. I was momentarily proud of the fact that my voice made me sound braver than I felt, until I realised that deception was futile when it came to mind-reading overlords.

He almost yelled his response.

"Don't you dare say that I wasn't doing my job! I've been doing this for the last hundred years – I've always done all I can to help! Don't you think there'd be more of us if I didn't?

"I told Darina to that I wouldn't erase her memory of the Beautiful Dead if she helped Jonas, Arizona, Summer and you find out the cause of your deaths. And she wasn't doing that anymore! She used that knowledge for other things!"

"She was trying to help YOU!And just because she did that, it doesn't mean that she wasn't still trying to help Summer!" I was full-out shouting, now. And the angrier I got, the more convinced Hunter was that he's right. But I didn't care. "And so what if she did do that! It's not like she went round town screaming about the zombies out at Foxton – she didn't tell anyone about us! She did nothing to deserve having her memory erased!"

I was breathing hard and my fists were clenched. It's a good thing it's easier to control your emotions as the Beautiful Dead. If I was still alive I would have been a screaming hysterical.

"She deliberately went against my orders! She knew that if she did that I would take it all away!" Hunter was shouting now in response to my yelling. His argument made me so angry I couldn't even verbalise my response.

_She isn't one of _us_! She's under no obligation to follow your orders what-so-ever! She's only human – she doesn't deserve this!" _I mentally shrieked the last part, but, again, I was past caring.

"You're blinded by the fact that you need her! You can't see that what I did was for the best because you can't stand the fact that you have to let go!"

I screamed at that – I couldn't help it, I was just so mad! I was filled with the desire to hurt him to cause him pain like I felt. And I would have tried, if not for his compulsion.

He held more power than we realised. And now he was using it to physically hold me in my place. The beating wings were pounding in my skull. It was too much, I'd fallen on my knees because the pain was too great.

He didn't say anything; out loud or otherwise. He knew that hearing his voice would only make me angrier. All he did was stand and watch as I calmed down – he had to make sure I wouldn't go off on him again.

Finally I got to a state where I was control of my temper. He simply looked at me as I stood up. When I looked him in the eye he just turned and vanished.

I knew what I was going to do next. Hearing no protestations from Hunter I vanished, and reappeared outside Darina's window. I had to see her, even if she couldn't see me. I needed to see that she was alright.

I watched, invisible to the living as I listened to Logan tell Darina about his fight, and about Ezra Powell and his unrequited crush. I chuckled at Darina's disbelief. I knew she wouldn't believe it; she's never been able to see what Logan and Ezra see; what _I_see. That she's just as beautiful as those other girls she compares herself to, if not more so. It was one of those typical Darina things that was exasperating but you couldn't help but love.

I waited until Logan had left before I went into her room. Out of habit I went to make myself visible again, only to have Hunter's voice loudly berate me in my head. I felt pain claw at the inside of my chest when I remembered that I wouldn't be able to do that ever again. I couldn't let Darina see me now. Not after what Hunter had done.

I watched her fall asleep the instant she collapsed on her bed, and I felt like like my very _soul_ had been pierced and torn in two. I don't think the Beautiful Dead really have souls, because I've always believed that your soul leaves you when you die. But I felt the damage just the same. My train of thinking reminded me of a book that Darina had made me read because she loves it. I remembered one part where the guy said 'I am half agony, half hope.' I'd never felt anything like that until now; it described perfectly how I was feeling as I watched her sleeping. I felt the pain, raw ad brutal; but there was a childish part of me that hoped this wasn't real, and I'd open my eyes, ad Darina would be smiling at me, because she knew that I hadn't moved on yet.

I heard Hunter scoffing at me I my head, but I ignored him. I'd do that until I moved on, I was certain. But I didn't dwell on it. I just thought about every single memory of Darina I had, good and bad, as I watched her sleep.

If the Beautiful Dead could cry, I would have.


	4. Maybe It's Love, But It's Like You Said

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own the Beautiful Dead book series, and no copyright infringement is intended, I am purely writing this for my own amusement. Some parts in this chapter are taken directly from canon; I don't own those either. **

**A/N: I know, I know, I haven't updated in ages, I'm a terrible person. But I got real-lifed, and fanfiction (among other things) got put on hold. And once I did have time for it again, it had been so long that I had to read over everything that I'd already written and re-familiarise myself with the fandoms. So here's the next chapter, and it definitely won't take another year until the next update. Also, sorry it's a bit short, and if you see any mistakes, please, let me know. Thanks.**

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Chapter 3: Maybe It's Love, But It's Like You Said

The days that followed were long. I had slipped into a routine that made the days pass in one huge monotonous blur, but the increasing amount of work we had to do in preparation for Summer's concert was beginning to take my mind off things.

The time I spent at school gave the biggest distraction, and the hours passed quicker then. I was making more of an effort to spend time with my friends than I remember doing before. Especially Logan and Zoey. There was more of a connection there with them than with the others. But, really I just needed them to take my mind off things. From what, exactly, I didn't know. There were times when I would ache for Phoenix, but when I tried to think of my last memories of him, it makes my head pound, and this causes the ache to get worse. Maybe it was a subconscious way of protecting myself; I don't want there to be last memories, period. The thought of not being able to make new ones still brings me close to a breakdown. You would think it wouldn't be like that after all this time.

So I'd decided to put all my effort into the concert – not that I wouldn't anyway, it's Summer's tribute.

On the Wednesday after Logan told me about the fight with Ezra, I found a new song by Summer tucked away in one of my notebooks. I didn't remember ever seeing it before, but it was in Summer's handwriting, and the style fit, so I pointed it out to Hannah and Jordan. They hadn't seen it before either, but we all agreed that it would be perfect for the concert.

I nearly made it to the weekend without anything happening.

"Today is your session with Kim Reiss," Laura reminded me on Friday. She seemed to know that I'd forgotten. I'd been going through the week on auto-pilot, I was so focussed on making Summer's concert perfect.

I showered and dressed, and made an effort to at least try to muster up some level of enthusiasm towards my appointment with Kim. When I went to the window to raise the blind a face was staring in at me.

The guy had staring eyes. His lips were mouthing words at me through the glass. He rattled his fist against it until I thought it would shatter.

I went and opened the window – first floor, remember. Staring-guy had stood on the roof of is car and used my window ledge to haul himself up. He'd grazed the knuckles of his left hand doing it. "What the –"

"Listen to me," he hissed. "You have to do something for me."

the idea of prising the fingers of his bleeding hand away from the ledge entered my mind. I didn't care that he would drop four metres to the ground. Then I noticed something else about him – namely his black t-shirt with the exploding skull motif.

"I need to get into Summer's concert," he snake-hissed – _S-S-Summer's cons-s-sert_.

Jeez, I went for the guy's fingers big time. "Get the hell out!" I yelled. "Jim, Laura, come quick!"

I couldn't make anyone hear and JakB hung on. I stared at his twisted face – the too-close-together, pale-lashed eyes and long nose, the bid Adam's apple jerking up and down as he fought to cling to the ledge.

"I'll blow my brains out if I don't get a ticket," he threatened.

_Go right ahead, weirdo! _Right now I had no softer side for him to appeal to. I raised my bare foot and stomped on his fingers.

"Summer means everything to me!" he grunted. He'd let go with one hand but still hung on with the other. "She needs me there with her!"

I stamped down hard on hand number two, heard him let out a phlegm-thickened cry as he fell, then the thud of his body against his car roof. Leaning out, I watched him slither to the sidewalk. He looked up in agony, holding his wrist and pleading with me to join him, but the last thing on my mind was running down stairs to continue my conversation with Summer Madison's 'number one fan'.

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When I enter Kim's cream-and-yellow office we start talking about Summer's concert.

A memory flashed across my mind but was pushed out again as soon as I realised what it was. It was my last visit to Summer's parents, her mom saying that she couldn't take another step out of hell until they found Summer's killer, and me feeling like it was a message to me personally.

I completely ignore Kim talking about different ways of dealing with grief and how the concert would help us and tried to bring up any memory on Summer's death. There were some vague flashes of things, conversations with Zak and Brandon Rohr, internet research, but there were worrying time gaps between some of them. Whole spaces where there was just _nothing_.

Panic started to bubble in my chest. There were a lot of blank stretches from when I'd been moving on auto-pilot right after Phoenix died. But these were different. Every time I tried to focus on them my head started pounding. All I could see were yellowing skull-faces.

I'd gone rigid in my seat and was staring into space. I didn't notice Kim until she put her hand on my arm. I could see her mouth moving, telling me to do _something _but the only sound I heard was beating wings.

I tried to focus on Kim and what she was saying, anything to stop having to look at the eye-sockets of creepy skulls. It was hard to focus on anything through the noise in my head, but it seemed it would stop as soon as I tried to avoid it.

I gratefully accepted the glass of water that Kim offered me and took steady sips while I tried to slow my breathing.

I ignored her attempts at getting me to talk about the reasons behind my sudden panic. I didn't even speak more than one-word answers for the rest of our session.

It distracted me all weekend. I didn't put as much effort into practising songs for the concert, now that I'd uncovered this new mystery. I discovered more and more blank spots, and grew increasingly worried with each new one. They kept going back until just after Phoenix died. Before I started seeing a shrink. I kept the memory of what happened in Kim's office playing on repeat, thinking about the wings, and the skulls. _It was almost like a warning_, I thought. _Like something wants me to stay away._ Which led to the question that was distracting me: what happened to me?


End file.
